Lessons about Sexuality from Genesis 2 and Skins Series 5
A few weeks ago we took a broad look at sexuality with our 14+ young people. I found it really enjoyable to look at this again and I think I trust God that knows best even more than ever. Most of the session was drawn from Rob Bell's book, 'Sex God' and an episode of Skins that caught my attention last year. If you are working with young people I recommend both.
Initially we looked at what the bible says about sex. Sex is good and God invented it (Genesis 1:27), sex is supposed to be interesting (Proverbs 5:18-19), sex should be kept within marriage (Exodus 20:14) and correct use of our sexuality is very important to God and to society (Leviticus 20:10). We know that Jesus took it a stage further by saying that lust corrupts us just as much as the improper use of sex (Matthew 5:27-29).
Genesis tells us that God made Eve as a response to Adam's loneliness and that through their sexual encounter they become will become one (Genesis 2:24), and the chapter ends with the words 'and they were naked, and they felt no shame' (Genesis 2:25). So the Genesis account indicates that sex is more than just sex. There is a profound depth to our sexuality that involves belonging, oneness and vulnerability.
The Jewish marriage process placed sexuality right at the heart of marriage. Central to the whole marriage ceremony was a prayer shawl, which was called a chuppah. The couple would make their engagement vows under the chuppah, then later return to the chuppah to make their marriage vows. The chuppah would then head off to the honeymoon suite (my words), under which they would consummate their marriage.
During which the guests would wait, because to be frank, there would be no party until they have done the deed. So for the Old Testament Jew, sex is not an option to being married, it is essential. If there is no sex on the wedding day, no marriage, no party and no embarrassing uncle dancing to the YMCA. Can you imagine the pressure?
So the bible clearly sees sex and marriage as intrinsically linked. You don’t get one without the other. Sex is spiritual marriage (Exodus 22:16).
So where does the Skins episode fit? Series 5 episode 3 is all about 'Mini'. Mini, unlike most of her mates, is a virgin, and has been dating her boyfriend for a short time. He starts to pressure her for sex, stating that he has "waited weeks for this" and the episode follows their relationship as the story unfolds until she makes her decision.
The key tension is the couples contrasting views of the sexual experience. Mini dreams of a romantic, loving, perfect moment kind of sex. For her boyfriend, sex is purely and simply about the physical encounter. In the end, Mini relents, has sex and immediately regrets it.
Neither of the characters get what they want out of the experience. Mini is left broken and disappointed and you get a sense that’s she’s lost something. She’s given herself away. And when sex is just sex, it never satisfies us. It always leaves us wanting. Sex is designed as an overflow to our nakedness, rather than a solution to it.
Most of the time we think we crave the physical encounter, but the root of that desire is a need for belonging, acceptance and oneness. What we really seeking is the connection that Adam and Eve had in Eden - both with God and each other.
And to give Mr Bell the final word he deserves:
"It’s easy to take your clothes off and have sex, but to open up your soul to someone in complete vulnerability? That’s tough. That’s hard. But that’s the place for the best sex to happen. That’s God’s best for you and me."
