The importance of taking time...

You know those seasons you have when you feel everything is a struggle? When every step takes all the strength you have? When your doubt causes you to question who you are and what you do?

When I feel like this I like to walk, usually to Newlands Corner. When I walk I worship, I read scripture. I shout at God. I ask him where he was. I wondered why he seemed to be hiding from me. I didn't look for solutions, I simply looked for Him. Did you know there is a whole book in the bible that is full of these kind of prayers? I used this particular passage:

Joy is gone from our hearts;
   our dancing has turned to mourning.
The crown has fallen from our head.
   Woe to us, for we have sinned!
Because of this our hearts are faint,
   because of these things our eyes grow dim
for Mount Zion, which lies desolate,
   with jackals prowling over it.

You, LORD, reign forever;
   your throne endures from generation to generation.
Why do you always forget us?
   Why do you forsake us so long?
Restore us to yourself, LORD, that we may return;
   renew our days as of old
unless you have utterly rejected us
   and are angry with us beyond measure. 

(Lamentations 5:15-22)

God does not answer all my questions or solve all my problems, but he is waiting for me there. The last time I went on a God-walk, I was drawn to Numbers 13, where God sends a scouting party to explore the promise land that he was going to give to His people. The party came back with many good reasons why they should not even try to take the land: They are bigger than us, their have better defences than us, we've heard about the people there and they are scary. Of the party of twelve, ten of them wanted to abort the mission, but two of them got it. Joshua and Caleb believed that they could take them. Why? Because God was with them.

I'm contemplating what this all means for my own life, our youth ministry but I have this deep sense that the fruit is not 'in here' but out there. What would it mean for us as a church to truly give ourselves to the young people of our parish? We talk a lot about evangelism, but would we truly be prepared to sacrifice our own preferences for the sake of the gospel reaching those who have not heard? How would it shape where we put our resources?

None of these are easy questions to answer, but I have a feeling that where God is leading us may be huge in every way. While there may be a many reasons not to do it, the only real factor is the God who seems to be leading us there.

As I read back over this post it sounds more like a journal piece than anything else. Not profound or full of wisdom, but real and earthy. The moral of the story? To take time out to draw breath and engage with God. Not to find answers, or to get solutions, but just because you can.

I leave you with the soundtrack of my Friday with God:

Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said You would never leave me
I believe You, I believe

(Dave Crowder Band, All Around Me)